on rushing

sometimes, and often, i find myself swept into that rush, that prisa – to learn, to grow, to do this, to launch that, to heal this, to forget that.

i have done it so many times as escape from that which flows more slowly, more embodied, more in-the-body: feelings. but i do it also as the result of so many expectations, once imposed– and collective, now deep– and mine.

i rush through education. finishing my degree, two masters, always overlapping everything, so i go further, faster. doing additional courses, volunteering, learning languages, this award, that recognition, still trying to maintain fragments of a social life.

i rush through healing. amidst the above, i lost my mum due to cancer – I just keep rushing. i lost my dog –my anchor, my perfect white and black companion– and within a week and a half, i am in the doctor asking "why do i feel dizzy? i feel like i'm dissociating, maybe it's my neck? maybe my iron?" "no marina, it's your heart, your loss."

i rush through books that i want to learn so deeply, moving through pages with ambition, promising myself that later, later i will reflect on this.

i rush through food, through plans, through the streets. i haven’t noticed it, and suddenly i have already finished my tea.

i rush through my mind, moving from one thought to another, getting lost, but still rushing. finding myself, and rushing again.

i rush through the discomfort i don't want to feel, but i find myself also rushing pleasures, moments i really really want to stay in, con presence, con tiempo, con calma. i rush to arrive a place i don’t know if i want.

but sometimes,

i do also stay.
here, with it, on it.

now, the truth is, this rushing piece i don't know where it is going, but for once, i won't rush it. let’s just stay with it.

how is your relationship with rush, with time, with expectations?

within which rhythms are you living, learning, reading, healing?

who gets to define them?

what does it take to reshape?

note: if you didn’t understand a specific word, it is because it is in Spanish. here you have a translation.

• prisa: hurry

• con presence, con tiempo, con calma: with presence, with time, with calm.